What Is This?

I feel really weird at the moment..I dont know why..which is the most annoying part of it all. I really have no idea what im feeling, I think its a mixtue of sadness, and thats all I know I am feeling but I do know its not just sadness.
The sadness is mostly harry's fault, I'm ginger fat scum, and if I ask why he is horrid to me he says "Its coz your ginger fat scum and no one likes you so its ok to be mean to you as you have no one to stand up for you, not that if you did have friends they would stand up for you as they would only like you as a joke!"
So there you go, I have only fake friends according to harry. All my life people have hated me, made fun of me and generally hurt me for fun. And I cant take it any more, I just want to give up, throw it all away. And I aslo want to know why god wants me to live an unhappy life, why did he make me ginger and over weight? Why do I have to be the one to get hurt for all the days of my life.
And now some one will be thinking to themselves, "What a selfish girl to think she is the only one to be feeling this". Well I know I'm not the only one feeling this but I do feel alone when I feel this as I'm told have no real friends which believe it or not if you've heard it as much as I have..my whole life..you do really kinda start to believe it. So if you're reading this and you think I'm being selfish, think again!
And besides, my blog, my choise to put whatever I want to post about. So if you dont like it poo you.
This isn't the first time I've felt like this actually I've felt this alot before now and I really want to know why I'm feeling this/have felt like this. So if any one has felt like this..or is felling this..or knows what it is I am feeling then can you please let me know as it sucks very much to be feeling like this as I am confused and afraid and I don't know why.
Always and Forever, Niki xxxxxxxx